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Gradually my vision starts coming into focus and I find myself face to face with my reflection. This is my truth. I am an object of desire. The faint din of music on the Club O speaker system beckons me back out. I turn the shower nozzle and the water pours out in leisurely torrents, drumming against my skin in cool, soothing beads.

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You just want to have sex. I need a shower. It is near dawn now and he is slouched low in his seat, exhausted. I know, not exactly a wild request to have at a bathhouse. I give him my bracelet with the key. The air inside is thick and suffocating. I imagine a middle-aged Hispanic man.

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For a moment, I wallow in the realization that I am patently the worst, that I will probably never get another shot with a guy like this. We require valid IDs to purchase memberships. Instead of eating I just soak my body in chicken broth overnight? I rush out from beneath the showerhead and lean against the nearest wall, palming my eye with my hand to keep the contact from falling out completely. Why are you here? On my way out, I pass the front deskman again. Past that is the locker room with its wall-to-wall cubbies and a couple of benches.

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